The Quote -

"Nope, I don't really have anything new to say. but then, I always have something amazing to tell about things that you already know!!"

-Muthu

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Sex & the society - Part 2 of the trilogy

Warning-

Adult content. Please do not read any further if you think you are not mature enough to discuss about sex, men and women.


The Quote:

It is at the moment we start to talk about equality between men and women; we unknowingly acknowledge that there is discrimination between the same.

-----Muthu



Are you a feminist – a supporter of the women’s liberation movement?

For People who don’t know about the feminist movement-
Feminist movement – The definition. (Courtesy- Wikipedia)

The Suffrage movement (also known as the Women's Movement or Women's Liberation) is a series of campaigns on issues such as reproductive rights (sometimes including abortion), domestic violence, maternity leave, equal pay, sexual harassment, and sexual violence. Feminism is a struggle against sexist oppression. It is necessarily a struggle to eradicate the ideology of domination that permeates Western culture on various levels.


So, now that you know about the feminist movement- tell me-

Are you a part of it?

Do you want to be a part of it?

Do you know what I think? I think feminist movements can never be a lasting solution for what we have in our hands. And what we have in your hands is a society – with manifestations of century long prejudice not only in habits, customs, religion and culture but the depth to which things are predetermined is so colossal, that even the language that we speak has its scars.

How else am I to explain why people when afraid are termed as pussies? Or the fact that people when they behave idiotically without any consideration for others are called as a prick?

Sexual discrimination like any kind of discrimination is a sword without a handle. It doesn’t really matter whether men use it against women or women use it against men, both will always end up hurt.



I am not heartless & insensitive because I am a male nor any girl is gutless just because she is a female. Grow up. I ask for how long are you going to believe in those age-old agendas.Agendas that are too silly to say that things like them even exist – Like,


---If married people can have sex and unmarried people cannot, then “Is Marriage - a publicly punched license to have sex?”

---If women who are good to look & are sexy create the desire in men to molest them, then “Are men, such wimps that they don’t have any control over themselves?”

---If divorced women always finds it hard to get remarried than divorced men. Then “Does marriage tarnish women but leaves men alone pure?”


Bollocks. Complete bollocks.


I believe fighting for feminism or for the cause of women is not going to help anyone in the long run.When someone campaigns for a feminist cause, they in all their good intentions do the devils work for the devil. They separate men and women in the name of feministic ideologies. Feminist supporters and opposers make a war- a war of debates, ideologies, arguments and controversies.




And the only thing history has taught us always is that war does not yield much. Be it peace or a solution to a stigma of century’s long discrimination.


Do you really think a feminist movement---

--- Can change the attitude of a male who wants to lose his virginity before marriage but expects his wife to be a virgin waiting for him to deflower her?

--- Can make every man realize that rape is not a crime against women by against the entire fabric of humanity?

--- Can assure a married girl that her husband will love her enough to give her space for her to grow as an individual?

--- Can go save every girl who at this second, as you are reading this post is being harassed physically or emotionally?


Of course, they can’t. The Feminist movements and NGOs how much ever they want to make a difference do have their limitations. But my billion dollar question is rather unrelated to any feminist movement. It is rather simple.

------ Do girls really need saving? Or is it the rest of the world that needs to wakeup?

The question I would try to battle with in my next and the final post in the trilogy.


Author's note-

This is the second part of a trilogy. So people do read the first and last part to completely appreciate the second-

 [Sex and the society - Part one of the trilogy]
 [Sex and the society - Last part of the trilogy]

Guys, I took my time in writing the second part of the trilogy to make the argument strong and also crisp & pointed. Also I did not want to take the line of bashing up the existing system as it would rather get rhetorical as the list of discrimination and bigotries existing are endless. I wanted to question ourselves as to whats the solution to this and that I hope I have done that well. And I am not against the feminist movement. Its just that I believe that it cannot make a lasting solution. It cannot change the mentality of the all prejudiced people and thats what we immediately need in the present scenario.

PS-

I want to thanks for all the comments posted on the first part of the trilogy esp the comments of Keshi, Shakthi, Srini, Vinnie, Rajlakshi, Diya, Preposterous girl and one anonymous. I hope my second post have given you a depth of the corrupted bigotry of the society that has become ours. The comments not only gave food for my thoughts but also have raised a lot of questions in me. Guys do go through those comments in the first part of the trilogy for I think the comments gave a lot of new angles and problems we will have to counter. And I assure you I will try to find the answers to those questions & also to the questions I myself have raised in the these 2 posts in my final post for the trilogy.


And I am off to Chennai for a couple of days for an urgent work guys. I will be back by Monday. And will post the last segment by monday evening.


Cheers.

Until then.


muthu.

35 comments:

Srini said...

Superb post; great flow; strong questions; and yes everything deserves an attention needs answers. As ever every post has a takeaway and my favourite questions were those concerning marriage and sex and those concerning male views of chastity (it is ok for them not to be chaste while they expect their girls to be). You have used the right word: BOLLOCKS!!!

Indeed, your take on rape is right on too; I would extend that to all heinous crimes in the world: every wicked crime is a crime against humanity.

Having said that let me take one thread to comment in detail here.

While your question Muthu about feminist movements - and the role they perform - is probably valid, I am not too sure if we can brush them under the carpet or call them useless. Further, as a quote says the concerns of feministic movement a majority (if not all) of which you yourself have outlined are humanistic to pronounce the fact that "fesminist rights are human rights."

I AM not a formal part of the feminist movement or well-versed in its dialectic or rich rhetoric but the movement is as much a source of expression as it is one to find solutions... In a way the mushrooming of bloggers to express can be deemed a blogging movement: it is dialogue; it is expression; and yes there are soluions too.

What the feminist movement intends to do (in my knowledge, among other things) is to create solidarity among feminists (who might in exceptional cases be men too!). This solidarity per se does not warrant answers or solutions but it gives some kind of strength; a sense of empowerment to organise against oppressive forces; and then don the mantle. More importantly, it is a clarion call like most movements for like- (right-) minded people to gather - mind you - not for personal ends but a community's ends where the personal becomes social and the social becomes persona. Yes, the boundary blurs but to stand against a force you need a force: the means the force adopts can be peaceful ones or violent ones as separately conditioned.

Secondly, I believe resistance is the first step to restore order than is believed to be lopsided. Engelian and Marxist dialectic talks of human progress as based on class struggles and upheavals; there is resistance there. At a microcosmic level, when a new boss takes over who does not take the sloth of his employees at the there will be resistance. Indeed, all changes - good and bad - face resistance from those who will NOT be the benefactors of the resistance. Contrarily, there needs to be resistance in fighting prevalent orders too; a will to say "no" to some crap and I think that is the kind of proactive resistance the feminist movements envision and try to put in place.

Finally, and I agree with you on this score, we are collections of individuals called "family", "society" etc. I am also a stickler for working from the bottom up. In our respective circles we - as girls and guys - have begun to spread messages and perhaps when we grow into familial responsibility or social designations we can translate our strong feelings and make even more difference. Yes, on that score - the need to bring about change - I am with you.

I am not sure if my language has been pretty strong here (it was not intentional). I loved the post. I am sure anyone with equanimity would love it and think because of it. As well as that, the take on widows as being considered "impure" while their male counterparts as not being so is brought out beautifully: indeed, sometimes I have to hang my head in sham and shame.

The times are changing... but the crusade has just begun. And there's a long way to go!

muthu said...

@ Srini - Yeah, I can understand when you say that feminist movements have their role.

They have helped a lot in bringing about a major change in the entire perception of the sexes.

But I sincerely believe that they cannot provide a lasting and a permanent solution my friend.

Nor they can change the mentality of prejudiced people..

When we fight against oppression, we are not only making progress, we are making enemies.

Women as well as men have been under the hammer of discrimination. (Do you ask me how men - trust me I will elaborate on it in my next & final post.)

I think what we have to do -

is 2 help people out to see whats the right thing.

Create a period of sexual renaissance. lets rethink the process. We are the society- Like you said we are a community. A community of bloggers.

We will ask all the uncomfortable questions. Force people to think otherwise.

We will stand for what we are. I believe that we are the crusade.

I will try to answer to your every point in my next and final post.

Am glad I met you via thsi post. :)

cheers.

sm said...

good post.
congrats for touching the subject of sex.

Rahul Viswanath said...

Good post with a great pic ... ;-)

Chriz said...

i cried when i saw that poo girl without any clothes...
these days i am crying so much cos i am seeing more poor girls...

send me some money.. ill buy a good dress for her...

coming to the post, its not the past.. its the future that i am gonna see.. so i dont really mind how i was or how my partner was in her past..

no past track records..

no past negative deeds..

its all about lessons and the better future that i look forward too..

Srini said...

@Muthu

I think I agree with Chriz on that final score: I think the best marriages of any generation have been those which do not bring up the mistakes of the past - on either side. Unfortunately, men have got away bringing women's mistakes to the forefront while women have been permanently scarred and have had a loss of face.

In that front at least times are changing: I know quite a few men who do not care abt a girl's past; and I know women who are willing to accept their partner's past too and work as hard as they can.

@Chriz Thou hast made a very valid point!:)

яノςんム said...

feminism isnt needed.. what is needed is to people to open up their minds.. and sex is a need of the body like we need food..
women have the desires as men have.

ours is a hypocrite society.. they think women are juz a means to satissfy their desires and they dunt have their own needs..

Shakthi said...

When u get answers , u let me know . Very good post !! BTW we should also ban words like Karpazhipu and Balaathkar from the local languages too ...

AD said...

what a post!
my God...
it is a socker, as painful as can be for a girl like me... who absolutely has a heart made of glass and this is horror!!

and guess what it is like my tales from the dark side just before sleep!

darn but you did superb!
loved the read :)

muthu said...

@sm - thanks for your comments & am glad you dropped by... :)

muthu said...

@ Chriz - haha... now when people ask me abt discrimination towards men - U jus gave them the best example. U jus ignored the poor guy without the dresses, Did'nt you and wanted to buy the clothes for the gal alone. :P:P:P

On a more serious note - I bow 2 your statement chriz, yeah the past never matters in a relationship - and if its love thats bonding people then its love alone that should matter and not the past.

Am glad that there are guys who would think the way you do....

cheers mate.

:)

muthu said...

@ Rahul Viswanath - Yeah about that Pic - I was vacillating whether to use that pic or not. I personally felt that the pic so much suited to the content of the post.

Then in a moment of inspiration I thought that my readers are people who read me because i write mature stuff and they sure would not be chilidish enough to flame me for that pic.

And If at all they are gonna flame me- creating an argument. Then all the fun is mine. Right???

:)

muthu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
muthu said...

@ Richa - Yeah... As always your words are on to the bull's eye.

But, U know what - I belive that- things will change...

after all things are meant to change 4 the better... right??

muthu said...

@ Shakthi - Read my next and last post of this trilogy.. I will sure try to give the best answers I think are possible.. :):):)

muthu said...

@ AD - hmhm.... I wanteded to do justice to what i am writing so i might have been brutal in my statements...

Pardon me 4 that..

and I believe that only by talking through some things- again and again that the taboo associated with them can be broken....

thanks 4 your comments...

cheers.

deeps said...

thats true .. we have to 'depend' on words ..
they are mere aids to something ....
all that i m telling is, words or languages only help us to better xpress ourselves, but they arent what they are otherwise ...


ei just wondering where did a comment i left here vanish!!!

neverthless ...
once again.. this is a bold one ..

bondgal_rulz said...

So maybe feminist movements et al are not a solution to the problem. But they do serve a purpose. They bring to light these topics which otherwise would be brushed under the carpet.

I think I've been a bit of a feminist even before I knew what the term meant. :)

And I completely fail to understand that why is it so difficult for people to digest the fact that women too can have desires and fanatasies that go beyond having her prince charming approaching her on a white horse!!

And Muthu, you are talking about sex?? Women, in India, who so much as booze are labelled as "loose" and "characterless". As for men, the more they can drink up, the more of a "mard" they are!!

But tell me something honestly. As we go on vehemently discussing here about these issues, think 20 years down the line. You are a family man, who has a say 19 year old daughter. Will YOU be comfortable enough with her partying out in the night and boozing with her friends?

Anyway, coming back to the point. I think somewhere down the line women too are to be blamed for the state of affairs as it is now. They have taken too much shit for too long.

I remember reading this article in the newspaper which reported that over 50% of the women who are victims of domestic violence, feel that their goo-for-nothing husbands are justified in beating them up!!! I mean wtf!!!

Looking forward to the next post.

Cheers

deeps said...

Looking forward to read the third one in the line …

Keshi said...

Good writeup again Muthu!


**feminist movements

May not be the final solution to it all, but they do shed some light on the issue that o.w. dun get any attention.

I believe what's needed is 'education'...at schools from a very young age. When a child's mind develops, it's the best time to engrave it with the right attitude towards the opp sex. What that don't get taught at home can be taught in school. And Im sure it will do wonders in the long run, to eradicate such prejudices and ancient mentalities.


Keshi.

Shine Kapoor said...

gud one!

muthu said...

@ deeps - yup a bold one. I myself thought a lot abt posting that nude pic but then it was so appropriate for the post. :)

muthu said...

@ bondgal_rulz - Wow, wow, wow - -

nice question gal. Will I be liberal enough to my daughter in the future...

haha... once again wow....

K - thanks gal- You have just helped me to finish the trilogy.

I am answering your question in the last segment.

:)

muthu said...

@ deeps - sorry 4 the late posting- was traveling a bit. :)

muthu said...

@ keshi - I think education will not always be the perfect solution. When we are educating people, we are not allowing them to think 4 themselves- we are feeding them.

What we need is a society that questions and learn by itself through rational thinking.

This is jus my own idea keshi.

Sowmi said...

I am happy... very happy that we are discussing this today and a thought provoking post... good read... i like your style of writing...

Sowmi said...

and I don't see much of change which has been brought by feminist movements ok.... the change is veryyyyyyyy slow... very very slow... tell me what big change did they bring??? huh??? has the mms scam totally stopped? its still going on somewhere.. everyday I read about rape and sexual hrsmnts.. change with regard to everything in the world is rapid but with this regard its like a speck only... am i right????

muthu said...

@ sowmi - In the long run, feminist movements will not be much of a help sowmi - we have to change. We have to decide for ourselves what is right and what is wrong.

And I am not deicrediting the movement here. It has it's role but ti alone will never be sufficient to over the prejudices that has sunk too deep in our minds....

Rajesh said...

Very well said.

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