The Quote -

"Nope, I don't really have anything new to say. but then, I always have something amazing to tell about things that you already know!!"


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Sex & the society - Last part of the trilogy


Highly Adult content. The post discusses sex, men and women, so people who think they are not mature enough to read about the subject please do not read any further.

The Snap-

The quote-

If People can understand that women too are human beings with sexual desires like everyone else, if the segmentation of sex alone can be defeated, the entire system of prejudice and misunderstanding will take a heavy dent.
And that dent will be the start of a more liberated and dynamic society in every single way.


I thought I had all the answers – All the answers to all the questions that would be raised on this particularly controversial topic of sex - a need & a pleasure for both men and women.

A society that has the ability to question and break away from a century of sexual prejudice between men and women can achieve anything. It will be a learned society that will be intelligent enough to question the makers of politics to the brokers of economy. I want to be a part of such a group of people. People who would listen to reason and love rather than to bigotries and hate.

Yeah, but the final question boils down to the singular level. How much do we want to be a part of that society? How much radical are we willing to be? Where will we draw the lines of acceptable and not acceptable, if we are to erase those present now?
How will you react to the situations of controversial nature that may rise in the future? How will I react to the same?

And the question that the Bondgal_rulz posted in the comments section of the last post was right on the bull’s eye.

The kick in the balls -

Bondgal - As we go on vehemently discussing here about issues such as sexual discrimination, sexual liberation, need for people to recognize women too as sexual beings---
Think 20 years down the line. You are a family man, who has a say 19 year old daughter. Will YOU be comfortable enough with her partying out in the night and boozing with her friends?

Muthu- *Scratches the head* *Clears the throat* *After a distant thoughtful look* I think I need time to think.

I feel like I have just been kicked in the balls. Courtesy- Bondgal_rulz. (Yeah sure she rules).

The singular questions-

The question bondgal asked was the beginning of a fresh batch of questions that rose in my mind & every single of those new questions that had a singular trait to them. They questioned me as to how I will react to the scenario on my direct involvement in the prospective future.

--- Will I dominate my wife with my comparatively strong male physicality on subjects our opinions differ rather than trying to convince her of the merit of my stand?

--- How understanding will I be if I am extremely horny and my wife refuses me in the bed saying that she is not in the mood?

--- How much liberal and understanding will I be to my wife on the aspect of her past sexual relationships?

--- How will I react If my daughter says to me- that she is thinking of moving in with her boy friend after she has become a major?

--- Will I be able to accept the fact that my daughter may want to have sex with the guy she is going out in the future (that is when she is major)?

--- Will I be ready to accept and appreciate my daughter or son, if their sexual orientation turns out to be homosexual?

--- What will be my advice to my own daughter on sex, on the ethics of sex, on what the society thinks about sex?

The answers-

I believe myself to be a liberal leaning heavily towards the radical. My opinions have always been blunt and pointedly progressive on the aspects on sexual equality, discrimination based on sex, color & creed. I believe you need not be a supporter of women’s right to see what’s wrong and right. To see what’s prejudiced and what needs a change desperately. But propagandas and beliefs aside, we are all humans who go around with our daily activities.

How much can we be -what we think is right.

I am not going to make statements about how radical I am going to be with my wife & daughter. This after all is not any election campaign. It more of a search of how much I really am of what I propagate.

And the search I believe is infused in the blood and soul of my everyday activity as is the case in yours. In every of our decisions and actions, we express what we believe. And it’s not going to be easy to do things as to say them.

I want to love my mother, sister, future wife, daughter and every other woman I meet without any prejudice or predetermined beliefs. I will desire to give them space and faith that I myself would expect in their shoes. And in that desire I will hold my spirit of seeing the society change for the good.
(And yeah bondgal my daughter will party if she wants to and the only thing I will want to make sure is that she knows what she does. I will want to allow her to make her own decisions, her own rights, her own mistakes- After all it her own life to live.)

The lever of change-

Education is learning from others. And whatever is learned from others will always have a part of them, a part of their own system of values, a part of their own beliefs, prejudices that are passed along. Education will never solve social problems. The only salvation is to self questioning. Self realization.

Every one of us of every segment of the self segregated society that we are, are born to be rejoiced and celebrated. Not to be discriminated. Do you think the child that passionately hugs the bosom of its mother and quenches its thirst suckling knows that what its doing can be also classified as vulgar & not as divine? Our ideas of chastity, sexual morality and concept of discrimination are learned behavior.

And it is in this learned behavior- that we learnt eagerly without questioning its merits and its basis, we have allowed the roots of prejudice and bigoted discriminations to bore deep.

Society in understanding is nothing more than a herd going along with the stride. It would not just be a monumental task but impossibility and a suicide to social life to go against the society.

But of course, the least you could do is to question whats right & ethical rather than to choose to go along with the herd.

And that you can do.Cant you??

Author's note-

The above is the third and last part of the trilogy series I have been writing. So please do read the other two parts to appreciate the conclusion given in this last episode.
Part 1 [link]
Part 2 [link]

In this concluding post, I took the line of what drives each of us individuals personally rather than relying on statistics. Of course the statistics says that In India alone once on two hours one girl gets raped. Two women are subjected to house hold violence. In the course of writing this trilogy, I went through a lot of info on the web about the every aspect of discriminations in every nature that people face.

And I realized something, it isn't ignorance that makes people go along with these prejudices & bigotries but people choose to just follow the crowd rather than questioning things as to why should they be done so in the way they are being done now.

Please, all I ask is to question things. Make it a habit. Inculcate questioning attitude in kids. We are born perfect & all the answers to the questions are within us. But the only way we are going to find those answers within ourselves is though questioning.


Sorry guys, I took almost a week to publish the concluding post. Unexpectedly, I got stuck in Chennai for almost 4 days and also this is my first time writing about such a heavy topic as a trilogy. Please do leave back your comments and criticisms on my attempt. I have tried to cover every aspect of the problem and people I bow to your comments as they showed me the different perspectives of the problem.

And lastly I sincerely appreciate people who inspired me by reading this trilogy and commenting on it.

Thank you guys.

Will soon post the poems i wrote when I traveled. (I always write when traveling)

Until then.



Srini said...


That's a conclusion more concise than I expected but I would say it was not simplistic and I commend you for it. I saw Bondgal's question too and it is one which merited attention - and I am glad that you have attempted to answer it in the most rational way possible even thinking of how you "might" behave.

In fact, I have often been scared or hesitant to think of how I would behave in future relationships. Yes, I believe that I believe strongly in something... But how can I ensure that I will put it into practice? Unrelenting and focused strife is the only answer. You have touched a very important point there.

I am entirely with you on the subject of questinoning beliefs especially age-old ones which have been detrimental to groups at large or marginalised groups in particular. They should be rooted out and you are perect in indicating that it begins with the individual - although it should not end there. But being ambassadors of change requires at least little more than courage and a capacity to question (which you say ARE essential as you say). It demands a certain fervid kind of courage that is ready to even face down well-wishers, friends etc on the other side of the divide.

Finally, with regard to the daughter question I find your answer sensible and not devious at all! I think one of the things children should be made to see is taking onus for what they do. That coupled with freedom will I have no doubts make good individuals. So perhaps if I have a daughter who wants to "live in" with her boyfriend, I may exercise just the options you have suggested you will (I hope I remain true to my word). On the subject of homosexuality, I am already not mainstream in the sense I do not call heterosexuals straight - which pretty much amounts to saying the others are not. This is a rudimentary reflection of my deeper attitudinal make-up in this regard.

Anyway, keep writing. Cheers!

яノςんム said...

one thing i like to agree on to is.. even I or my daughter shud be liberal as far as getting physical is concerned only when, we know we are mature enough to handle it..

Winnie the poohi said...

Very interesting thoughts :)

Vinnie said...

Muthu saar!
congrats on this gigantic trilogy effort n for putting us all in questioning mode :)

it is in each one's mind as to what we can change in our traditional hardwired thought patterns. most of us preach so many things that sounds like heaven on earth, but when it comes to practice, we rely on our 'safe zone' thinking patterns.

this is precisely the reason why i dont get into such discussions as i have personally encountered such hippocricy many times over :(

i commend u on putting up ur honest chain of reactions in finding an answer to bondgal.

hoping n praying that this trilogy triggers new lines of thought in our society...Amen!

Sowmi said...

Applause Applause :) for your great effort on the trilogy and you've succeeded no doubt Muthu!

Glad that guys are thinking so much that too in a right way! and interesting really.... about freedom and acceptance of daughter living with her boyfriend - I'll accept 100% but again it depends on the person who marries me lol!! but I'll accept cuz I will trust her and I know she will be aware of everything by that time and even if something goes wrong I'll stand by her and help her out... I'll be the most friendly mom :)

Hope the person who marries me will be sensible enf and give my space and think like guys out here who posted so many comments in your trilogy post.... I don't feel shy at all to tell this...

Am happy so happy to see the change..

I've been reading all the blogs slowly so sorry for commenting really very late in your trilogy posts :)

Keep going Muthu!
Keep writing such thought provoking posts...

You made my Day Muthu!!!!!

Cheers, Cheers, Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeerz!!!

muthu said...

@ Srini - thanks for your compliments my friend. Am glad U liked my ending.

And yeah, People when they become ambassadors of such progressive ideas it would 4 sure destroy their social life.

But then, We can stand alone and alone as we stand people will slowly see the merit in what we are doing. The change and the revival will be slow.

It may take a generation. But am ready to sow the seed now.

Arguing about such Ideas to people who are conservative is not going to help anyone.

But we will jus be there to shout out to people that they are not alone in what they think is right.

There will be change my friend.

People are meant to be celebrated and men & women are no different in that aspect.

That is the ultimate truth and truth my friend will always last the fight.

Satyameva jayathe.

muthu said...

@ Richa- I could not agree Richa.

People should know what they are getting into. It is in that enlightened society only liberalism will flourish.

Cheers. :)

muthu said...

@ winniethepoohi - Am gald U felt so.

muthu said...

@ Vinnie- A hearty thanks for your compliments Vinnie.

And yeah, bondgal's question was too good and pointed.

It made me think what I will do rather than what I think I will do.

People will not change overnight vinnie. But People are meant to be loved and celebrated.

Discrimination and prejudice are not the real nature of things. they are contrived and people will soon start questioning them as we have just started today.

And then things will change.

Words hold the means to meaning and for those who listen the enunciation of the truth.

Lets spread the word.

Change is comin. though slow. its coming.


muthu said...

@ sowmi - Thanks 4 your compliments gal and Am glad to have made your day.

And yeah, things are changing sowmi and I am happy to be a part of it.

A lot of people I have met on blogger are progressive an am happy to be a part of such a community.

and i have a affinity 4 the controversial - So do expect me to stir up some dirt now and then.

cheers.. :)

pranksygang said...

wow!!.. you are such a gr8 writer!! and u have answered that tough Q!!

your perception is wonderful and your thoughts about respecting women is amazing...

you are very frank man! two thumps up! :)

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

it is interesting to know that in some parts of the world, this is still a controversial topic :-)

Hopeless Romantic said...

Its been a great series ..u have asked some pertinent questions to the society. I am actually a bit saturated with these talks since i posted a part of the same issue in my recent post, so the comment wont be a long one!

I have enjoyed reading it, and have been disturbed by certain questions because i dont think i have answers for them yet !

Keep penning and keep making difference to the world as a blogger!


sm said...

thought provoking

AD said...

i have been highly impressed and numb while reading your views and how you ask the society and the stances.

"Every one of us of every segment of the self segregated society that we are, are born to be rejoiced and celebrated. Not to be discriminated. Do you think the child that passionately hugs the bosom of its mother and quenches its thirst suckling knows that what its doing can be also classified as vulgar & not as divine?"

I too scream that!
society.......... i have no comments!

muthu said...

@pranksygang - Thanks 4 your comments pranksygang.

I am glad to liked my writing.

Do hope to see more of you around. :)

muthu said...

@ Raaji - My article is not about sex being controversial. I just want to point out that segregation starts @ the bare basic human need of physicality.

Men who sleep around and women who sleep around are not seen in the same manner.

Jus the way old men who are not married and have quite a fortune are considered a catch. but Is it the same 4 old women.

muthu said...

@ hopeless romantic - Am glad to have done this series and thanks to your compliments.

It not about having all the answers, what matters is that, you have taken question to yourself and tried to answer them.

I am glad.

Cheers.. :)

muthu said...

@ sm - Am glad U felt that way. :)


muthu said...

@ AD- Am so happy to have made an impression on you seher. Coz U are the one who never fails to amaze me with great relationship posts..

And believe me- things willl change, the society will change.

4 I believe.


Pauline said...

What you say here: "Education is learning from others. And whatever is learned from others will always have a part of them, a part of their own system of values, a part of their own beliefs, prejudices that are passed along. Education will never solve social problems. The only salvation is to self questioning. Self realization." deserves a post on its own. It is the most important thing we can do, I believe - this questioning the beliefs of others that we so often blindly accept. Thanks for inviting me to come here and read. It's been a very enlightening experience.

Keshi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keshi said...

u did well Muthu! u delved into alot of deep issues of the conservative society, especially those who REFUSE to talk abt it just cos they hv been brought up to believe sex is a BAD thing.

Im glad that u cud openly and honestly lay all the FACTS on the table, and open the eyes n hearts of many readers here. These were qns that some ppl dare not even talk abt and the fact that u broke the silence is a very huge step.

I admire ur courage and genuineness. A very good last part of the post, leaving us all with thought-provoking sentiments. THANKS for ur efforts and time!


Preeti said...

muthu !!

u have covered such a conterversial subject that almost become vulgur at times , with such ease and elegance. I read all the three parts , few question were asked , solutions sought and answers provided , not in direct way but in indirect pondering ...

I have been vocal much to my parents /friends disaggeement .I dont care , my sex life is no body's bizness ... MY parents understand even if they dont approve that I might not marry again , but that doesn't mean i'll not have sex again ...

similarly , one of my cusion is homo , he is too young to be involved in sexual practices , but i know he is , so instead of preaching him morality and suggest him to me a man and go for women ( which most of my other cousins did ), i told him to have safe sex even with a guy and report to parents if a senior or elder guy rapes him...that is most important ...

prejudices of our society ..i am fed of them , but just like u i havnt lost the hope ..things are changing , PPL like us are part of society ..we will see better tomorow ..i am sure of this .

muthu said...

@ pauline- It was my pleasure inviting U over here & am glad U found my post enlightening....

enlightening in fact is a very strong word and am glad.. U found it so...


muthu said...

@ Keshi-- As much as I loved writing the post, I loved reading ur responses to it. Am happy to have written this.....

& I think every1 of us is genuine. Its just that we don't wanna show ourselves as we are to others. We are afraid of whether people will accept us as we are....

cheers.. :)

muthu said...

@ Preeti -- Am so happy U liked my trilogy. :)

and gal .. am even more happy that gals like U bold enough to express wat U feel are a part of our society...

And yeah... times are changing and we will be a better part of it.


oRange said...

very very well written muthu!
it feels really good to see that such people also exist.

i was just wondering ..
there are a section on guys who watch porn, masturbate, maybe even use sex toys to give them pleasure. all thats fine long as u keep stuff to yourself and respect women!
but there's this other section who along with doing all the above things ..indulge in all types of sexual abuse which clearly shows that they DONT respect women!

everyone's curious, everyone has desires ..but there's this thin line which guys separates guys in the first section from the second!

what goes on in the minds of those who cross that line? whats the bloody need? dont they ever have enough?

i mean really, wtf do u want!

great to see that u handled such a topic so beautifully without making it look vulgar.

muthu said...

@Orange -- hmhm.....

U have indeed hit the bulls eye yaar....

Yeah, everybody has desires but dont they know the limit....

but then--- like i once tweeted...

sexual molestation, Rape are not crimes of lust-- they are crimes of anger.

So, people need to learn that women are not instruments to vent out anger. As harsh as I may sound... I think I am right on the point.

And thanks 4 visiting.. :)

Abu said...

Very very interesting trilogy. 'bold', open and fair... in fact, i have been thinking on this topic for a long time. but have not been able to put it in words so far...

nice posts..

warm regards,

ps: love the 'Self realization' part!!

muthu said...

@ Abu ---

Yes, Thanks to bond girl, I had a very constructive ending in the last part of the post. (for me as well as the trilogy)

& Welcome to my blog and thank you for your comments. :)


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