The Quote -

"Nope, I don't really have anything new to say. but then, I always have something amazing to tell about things that you already know!!"


Monday, June 9, 2008

Love and marriage – the forgotten bond

The snap-

The post-

It is now the second month in Tamil calendar vaikasi, one of the most auspicious months for marriages for the Tamils*. In fact I am invited to 4 marriages in this month alone. The inviting music of nathasvaram* and miruthangam*, flowing white vaettis*, the smell of ghee and camphor – everything about the marital ceremony is so poetic.

A lot can be said about the beauty of the ceremony but may be I think that it would be more apt to reanalyze “our system of choosing the bride or the bridegroom”. The bridal hunt is usually initiated by the father figure in the family. They search for the right kind of match based on the following list of criteria.

- They look into the caste & family status of the prospective pair
- The matching of jathagam*
- Wealth and the income of the prospective pair
- Character of the pair
- Dowry money*

After the decision is made by the parents, the decision of the bride or the bridegroom is called for. The system is perfect. The best guy is paired up with the best gal. The status quos of both the families are taken into consideration. The caste members are satisfied because the marriage is usually conducted within the same caste. Even the economic securities of the pairs are taken care of.

The system is perfect. Just too perfect.

Like buying a large house, almost all the facts are written down and planned upon. But is this what a marriage is about. Is it another detailed acquisition activity? Isn’t marriage about two people deeply in love bonding together for life? After all “till death do us apart” is not used often other than in marriages.

May be the way in which the couples are paired up is questionable, but the fact that love is not a main criteria in selecting the couple makes the whole idea even more ridiculous. What after all would be the passion in married life if it does not glow in the hues of love? Of course marriage in response to love is a leap of faith when compared to arranged marriage.

But isn’t it a heart warming feeling to take the leap with the love of your life rather than to go along with the society. May be you will be left armor less against the future, but won’t the rose that your love pinned in your chest give you the faith to fight. Doesn’t the thought of your love waiting for you, fuel you enough to burn up the sun.

May be I am a hopeless romantic – the kind that is slowly becoming extinct nowadays. May be arranged marriage is better than love marriage.
May be it has more security not only economically but also socially.
May be love marriage is too much chancy in the view of my parents and the society.

The “may be”s never matter. I want to marry a girl whom I love with all my heart. After all marriages are made in heaven and my heaven has to be beside me holding my hand.

What about you? Are you the one looking for your life partner or is it your parents?
Hopefully it’s your life. Isn’t it?

Disclaimer: The author has written the blog in his own opinion and experience. He does not intend to prove the anything right or wrong but wants to merely question the way in which the thing in question is usually perceived. All he intends in the end is to make the reader realize that there is more to things than what really meets the eye.

Tamils – people belonging to the southern most part of India, Tamil Nadu.
Nathasvaram and miruthangam – musical instruments of the Tamils. Usually used on auspicious occasions like on marriages.
Vaettis – white dhotis that are a cultural symbol for the Tamils.
Jathagam – a book that is assigned to each and every individual based on his star signs and the effect the planets are having on him. In Hindu mythology each planet is considered to be god having their own effect on each and every individual.
Dowry money – the money that is given from the bride’s family to the new couple to start their new life.

The colors of the fairer sex:

It was another sunny day of doing nothing (what else enjoyable way would be there to spend your vacation). My friend Ram and I were just chatting together at his home about everything and nothing. It was then Ram remarked about the childishness of the fairer sex. Well not every one of them but most of the girls, he said were childish to some extent.

Now Ram is in no way a male chauvinist and neither am I. (at least that’s what we think so). So it was odd for him to make that remark without a valid point. And when thought about why he was so sure, we came across these following reasons.

Woman can be quite contradictory with no known reason in the book. Only a girl can say the following and feel that there is a sound logic in it – “I love lying. In fact I lie a lot. But I hate people who lie to me”. These were the exact words my sister once said to me when we were having a chat.

Women can be bothersome in an irritating way. Like for instance when my mom would stand at the door, calling out to me, to stay out of trouble when I am going out somewhere. Makes my face red especially if there is someone of the fairer sex on the road.

They can be sentimental to an extreme level. Like the time when my sister called me at about six in the morning on her birthday eve and asked me to wish her. When asked “why did you call. I was planning on wishing you later in the evening”. She simply said that she wanted me to be the first to wish her.

Always the way in which women cry while seeing soaps used to make me wonder. But to top it all off, the way my class mates (girls) cried when we parted during the end of our college (well, hey come on guys, its not like someone is dead or anything) was just like the reenactment of the classic melodrama “aaru lirinthu arubathu varai”*.

Well, to say the truth the list went on and on and then it hit me in the gut – Maybe we guys are getting too mature. After all, life is too small to do everything too perfect.

How can I forget the way I laughed my guts out hearing my sis comment about lies.
The way I felt special when she made me wish first on her birthday. And every single memory that makes me smile today because women made those moments happen. Be it the time when I had to convince my mom that I am not in love with anyone or when I had to convince my cousin that she was not really fat and she was in fact slim.

Only a woman can give a man these special moments. Only women can make a guy feel real good about himself. After plodding through all these thoughts, “May be” I said to Ram “just because of the fact that women are childish, sentimental, possessive and what not, we guys love them. Makes it a delicious thought to marry them. If they are going to be just like men, then what would be the meaning in chasing after girls?”

Just then I was interrupted by a message from one of my friends who believes that ram told something about her to me. Please don’t ask me. God only knows what he said to me. The message read as--

--“And yeah all that Ram told doesn’t necessarily b true may be I aint that gud or I aint that kiddish either. Thought would set things rite straight away.”

And hopefully I think I am on the verge of creating another sweet memory by another girl in my life.

Disclaimer: The author has written the blog in his own opinion and experience. He does not intend to prove the anything right or wrong but wants to merely question the way in which the thing in question is usually perceived. All he intends in the end is to make the reader realize that there is more to things than what really meets the eye.

aaru lirinthu arubathu varai - a tamil classic film with rajinikanth in it’s lead role. The film was a well acclaimed tear jerker.