The Quote -

"Nope, I don't really have anything new to say. but then, I always have something amazing to tell about things that you already know!!"


Monday, June 9, 2008

Love and marriage – the forgotten bond

The snap-

The post-

It is now the second month in Tamil calendar vaikasi, one of the most auspicious months for marriages for the Tamils*. In fact I am invited to 4 marriages in this month alone. The inviting music of nathasvaram* and miruthangam*, flowing white vaettis*, the smell of ghee and camphor – everything about the marital ceremony is so poetic.

A lot can be said about the beauty of the ceremony but may be I think that it would be more apt to reanalyze “our system of choosing the bride or the bridegroom”. The bridal hunt is usually initiated by the father figure in the family. They search for the right kind of match based on the following list of criteria.

- They look into the caste & family status of the prospective pair
- The matching of jathagam*
- Wealth and the income of the prospective pair
- Character of the pair
- Dowry money*

After the decision is made by the parents, the decision of the bride or the bridegroom is called for. The system is perfect. The best guy is paired up with the best gal. The status quos of both the families are taken into consideration. The caste members are satisfied because the marriage is usually conducted within the same caste. Even the economic securities of the pairs are taken care of.

The system is perfect. Just too perfect.

Like buying a large house, almost all the facts are written down and planned upon. But is this what a marriage is about. Is it another detailed acquisition activity? Isn’t marriage about two people deeply in love bonding together for life? After all “till death do us apart” is not used often other than in marriages.

May be the way in which the couples are paired up is questionable, but the fact that love is not a main criteria in selecting the couple makes the whole idea even more ridiculous. What after all would be the passion in married life if it does not glow in the hues of love? Of course marriage in response to love is a leap of faith when compared to arranged marriage.

But isn’t it a heart warming feeling to take the leap with the love of your life rather than to go along with the society. May be you will be left armor less against the future, but won’t the rose that your love pinned in your chest give you the faith to fight. Doesn’t the thought of your love waiting for you, fuel you enough to burn up the sun.

May be I am a hopeless romantic – the kind that is slowly becoming extinct nowadays. May be arranged marriage is better than love marriage.
May be it has more security not only economically but also socially.
May be love marriage is too much chancy in the view of my parents and the society.

The “may be”s never matter. I want to marry a girl whom I love with all my heart. After all marriages are made in heaven and my heaven has to be beside me holding my hand.

What about you? Are you the one looking for your life partner or is it your parents?
Hopefully it’s your life. Isn’t it?

Disclaimer: The author has written the blog in his own opinion and experience. He does not intend to prove the anything right or wrong but wants to merely question the way in which the thing in question is usually perceived. All he intends in the end is to make the reader realize that there is more to things than what really meets the eye.

Tamils – people belonging to the southern most part of India, Tamil Nadu.
Nathasvaram and miruthangam – musical instruments of the Tamils. Usually used on auspicious occasions like on marriages.
Vaettis – white dhotis that are a cultural symbol for the Tamils.
Jathagam – a book that is assigned to each and every individual based on his star signs and the effect the planets are having on him. In Hindu mythology each planet is considered to be god having their own effect on each and every individual.
Dowry money – the money that is given from the bride’s family to the new couple to start their new life.


nan said...

Lucky SHE
BTW I aint in dat category i suppose :D

me said...

nice writings.....plz write more buddy.

anoop erakkil said...

ur right bro..!
i guess am a hopeless romantic too...

Vinnie said...

our society is as hippocratical as it is in all aspects of life...including marriage!

the guy i was in love with..couldnt convince his parents..since none of the points u mentioned here n my family was insulted too!

another guy who knew my story n fell in love eventually..proposed to me n i said 'yes' since this guy knew everything n would fight for me if need be...Alas...he too chickened out when his dad raised same doubts!!

now, i dont want any love marriage..LOVE is about 'Giving' and 'Not expecting' anything in return...All LOVE is same, not necessarily between man n woman.we humans have yet to understand that :(

яノςんム said...

the system is the same in whole of the india and perfect as u juz pointed out..

but my case is somewat different, i am hopeless when it comes romance :D
so i better settle down with the person my folks find me :D

muthu said...

@ nan - I too hope so... lucky she.. :) and nope you are too good a friend for that.

muthu said...

@ me - thanks and sure buddy... I will.

muthu said...

@ anoop - :):)

muthu said...

@ vinnie - things will change 4 the better vinnie. but anyways i pity the those spineless guys, they do not have an inkling of an idea of what they have lost...... :)

muthu said...

@ richa - i think .. you cannot usually find romance when you search for it... romance finds you (yikes... that was pretty corny)..

anyways... i jus wish that the guy you settle down with is as witty as you..... :)

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