This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 32; the thirty-second edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is 'An Untold Story'
The snap-
The Fiction-
Even the most daring and the desperate of the prostitutes
avoided that alley, its dark shadows and its depraved inhabitants, for no
better reason than the simple fact that they wanted to; Not that it did
not have its share of leering customers with sleazy money and even sleazier
sexual appetites. The alley, if it could be still called that was dead, decadent and
decaying. Its crumbling walls, the dank paint with its edges pealing, the
spewing drainage, its putrid stench wafting about, the street hewed into loose
stones and broken pot holes, murky puddles slurping in the darkness, a broken
streetlight flickering dipping in and out of life, A few crows pecking at the rutting
garbage and its contents. A more perfect stage could not have been bargained
for, for all the blood that was going to be spilled.
There was a cold silence, a calculating silence. The three
men stood there simply staring at each other, trying to get a sense of each
other, daring the other to make his first move. The knives they held glinted
wickedly in the moonless night, its sharp counters cutting the few shards of
light from the broken tube light. One of them, the one wearing a dull red shirt
stood on one end of the narrow lane facing the other two; the other two who
were here to kill him. Bloody mother fuckers. Who did they think they were
dealing with? Some street punk! He was not going to be easy. Fucking dammed, if
they think this is going to be that easy. His fingers tightened, closing hard
on the handle of his knife, turning his knuckles white.
“MOTHERFUCKERS” He
shouted and rushed at them both with his knife in his outstretched hands. He was going to do them, do them both real good,
cut through their fucking innards. Nobody gets away with this. Nobody gets away
after pulling a fucking knife on him. He sped up, his feet plodding across the
rubble, his face slowly widening with a loathsome mirth. And then he tripped.
Tripped on some left over debris and was down with a dull thud. He laid there
on the bare lifeless gravel, with his own life slowly ebbing out of him along
with a warm worm of blood trickling out of his broken forehead.
The other two looked at each other and exchanged a smirk.
“What a lovely fuck
up!! Went down and died even without putting up a decent fight.”
Remarked one of them, the one who seemed to be the sadistic leader
as he slowly came forward, measuring each of his steps, eyeing the red shirt for any sudden
movements. “Pathetic Bastard !” He thought to himself. A waste, A criminal waste. Now, he was never
going to get his arousal. He never really got them, until and unless he heard
his victims cry and beg for mercy. Just for a few minutes as he played with
them and the dull end of his knife. And when he was denied that, that simple and basic joy of killing just because this asshole couldn't wait to get iced, made him mad, quite a bit mad.
He kicked with his heavy soles into the abdomen of the
victim and heard him cry out in ripping pain with delight.
"Fuck, the ponce is still alive!!"
"Fuck, the ponce is still alive!!"
The tormentor grunted his approval with a malicious grin
that lit his face in the dead darkness of the alley. He turned and looked at
his young partner, beckoning him to join the fun. He sighed to himself. After
all, he was just getting started and the more the company, the more the fun.
Right!!
But then fate took a sharp turn.
The blow to his shin with the knife was so hard, it ruptured
a few veins that blood didn't just ooze out but gushed out to paint the alley
road a dense dark crimson. Instinct took over all his senses and he simply
bent over reaching for his leg. A mistake and even before he realized that, the red shirt thrust-ed his knife all the way through his left eye, tearing apart the softer
tissues of the brain. He fell down dead.
Exhausted with his vengeance, the dull red
shirt laid there panting and fighting for air in the stagnating cesspool of
blood. The third guy, quite shaken but still holding on the side of tough edged
towards the dead and the nearly dead. The Sweat was pouring from his face and
every fiber in his body was pulling taunt with fear, as he slowly bent over his
partner and tried to rouse him.
Then it happened.
Then it happened.
The red shirt in his final attempt to breathe opened his mouth
wide and all the gathering blood rushed in and he choked, his last breath escaped with a ghoulish
guttural splurged in his own fluids.
That low haunting sound broke whatever remaining guts, the
third guy had. He stood up and started to run; away from there; Away from the
alley; Away from everything. He simply ran until every single muscle in his
soul was totally exhausted, his lung palpitated and his mind numbed. Right in front of a
speeding truck. He became one of those hit and run
casualties, dead even before hitting the ground.
The sky slowly darkened as if in mourning and the sound of
the rain mixed with the sirens of the ambulance in distant echoes.
Three were dead.
A few
untold stories, some dreams and some distant tears rotted away along
with those carcasses and but what told aloud in a solemn voice by the priest as
he presided over their joint burial ceremony was that all the three were but
the children of god who were pure in soul and though good in character, had
been corrupted in life and forgiveness was sought, for the almighty is all
forgiving and benevolent.
And the dead would finally rest in peace. For after all, the
dead rarely lament.
Amen.
Author's note-
If you guys liked the dark theme of the above fiction and do have stomach for much grittier and wicked stuff, stuff that could really get to you- do try this one. ( Darkness in its most wicked form guaranteed.)
Author's note-
If you guys liked the dark theme of the above fiction and do have stomach for much grittier and wicked stuff, stuff that could really get to you- do try this one. ( Darkness in its most wicked form guaranteed.)
The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. Introduced By: BLOGGER NAME, Participation Count: 04
61 comments:
You bring out the grittiness of the setting and the people very well!
what do I say
C. Suresh --
Thank you for your comments.
Amen ... quite a gripping story ...the way you narrated it really holds the attention ...
Gripping story.
I noticed that your post shows the date as 6 October. I am sure it is 7 October (because your post link appears after mine in the BAT post comment). Kindly check your computer calendar/clock.
@ dreamer ---
hmhm... It has been quite a while, since I last wrote something dark and I just felt that I needed a change from all the romance I was writing. And hey you can say- anything you feel like over here. :)
@ TTT
am glad that the fiction held your attention. :)
@ aativas ---
Thank you for your comments and yes, I just corrected my PC's time. :)
Ewww..that was creepy and dark. Your narration kept me hooked till the end, Muthu.
Immaculate...
Woah this blog is excellent i really like reading your articles. Stay up the great paintings! You recognize, a lot of persons are searching around for this information, you can help them greatly.
Great story Muthu! all three dead and the story truly untold! your descriptions are very crisp! great work!
Sapna, Just another wake up call
http://justanotherwakeupcall.wordpress.com/2012/10/07/family-secrets-an-untold-story-short-story/
Narration: Please please please do something about the overly describing the setting .. Somehow makes one feel uninterested .. :(
Story: Dont know why but seemed like a parallel to the dark night story of yours .. I am being so mean :/.
Is a murder only about the blood and/ or torture? I dont know the answer either but I believe there this story is missing something.
Of course this is a good piece of writing but no such a great piece of thinking. Given the kind of thought process you put into writing Tamil poems, this story stands below par.
Gory, Yes... but was gripping till the end. vivid descriptions, seemed like for few minutes i was a silent, invisible spectator in that dark alley!
BAT32 - Apala
Hey this is a very vivid story... excellent.
@ Panchali ---
thank you for your warm comments. :)
Cheap Domain Names Registration Jaipur --
okay. thanks. (!!!)
@ just another wake up call --
thanks for your comments. :)
@ nan --
hmhm.. okay, this I take it as a challenge. Will soon write a fiction about murder that had nothing to do with blood or torture. And I bet it will knock your cocks off. What say??
And yes, I agree with you. I could have done better with this story. :)
@ Apala Sengupta --
Wow- I don't know what to say!! just glad to have you at the dark alley as a spectator. :)
@ Siddhesh Kabe ---
thanks for your comments.... :)
Eww Eww Double Eww for all the gory stuff! But excellently done! nice use of language! BTW, just noticed, the exact phrase An Untold Story doesn't seem to be used, do confirm with SIS if that's OK - don't get yourself disqualified on that count! ATB for BAT!
A lot of gore Muthu but a very very interesting take. And it was a gripping read!Good luck :)
You were the first to comment on my post... and am so sorry to be so late... That was very well narrated gore story.. it keeps the reads tied till the end... All the very best Muthu...
@ nan -
that's a typho. I meant socks off. Sorry.
@ Deepa --
Thanks for your comments. :)
@ jaish_vats --
thanks for dropping by. :)
@ AYUSHI... --
:) never too late. :) thanks for your comments. :)
Great detailing!!
I almost referred to dictionary.com :D :D I know one thing for sure, if I follow your blog I will improve my vocabulary :P
Jokes apart, I visualized the whole story and yet again a contrasting story for the theme of the month!
All the best for BAT 32 :)
P.S. You have a follower :D
Great story Muthu. Ain't u published yet?
@ Megha ---
Thanks a lot for your comments Megha. I had a lot of doubts about how the story was going to be received, as the gore, violence and blood were an essential part of the narration.
Honestly, I did not think this story appeal to a lot of readers but anyways, I wanted to try something extremely dark and violent.(It has been quite a while since I did such a post.)
Also, there are amazing authors out there who you can enjoy reading and at the same time improve your vocabulary.
If you are a fan of romance- try Jennifer cruise. If you like dark stories with a strong alpha male character try lee child. They are extremely entertaining..
Cheers. Keep reading. :)
@ Khushbu Verma --
Thanks a lot. No, I have not been published. And yes, I am interested and trying. :)
Thanks again for those warm words asked. :)
It kept me glued till the very end. Beautifully written story, I am glad I dropped here. Thanks a ton. Take care. Wish you win :)
@ Tanya Sehgal --
Welcome to my blog. am Glad to have you here.
Keep reading. Cheers. :)
(and hey, your Display Picture is awesome. I just cant stop staring at it!!)
amazingly gripping
ATB for BAT :)
amazingly gripping
ATB for BAT :)
@ Karan Shah ---
:) thanks for your comments. :)
Thank you Muthu :) I will try, I liked your story and narration.. :)
could not move my eye off the screen ...aah !! dark and violent...actually I have a different taste but still I was glued ..Wonderfully narrated..
ATB for BAT
I am here
http://odizzey.wordpress.com/2012/10/07/an-untold-story/
@ Megha ---
Thanks again Megha. Do hang around. I am planning to write some quite interesting stuff. :)
@ odyzz --
Thank you for your comment. Also, If you do have stomach for such really dark stuff - Do try, my other fiction. "In darkness we smile"
:)
Muthuji ,two in a day will be an overdose...I might not be able to sleep at night ...so I guess will take a short break with few deep breaths and might hang in some time afterwards to read it...Any ways many thanks...
@ odyzz ---
:)
You nailed it muthu. Interesting and gripping narration and I await to read your murder post without any blood/torture :) Wish you Good Luck. Keep writing..
Someone is Special
@ Someone is Special --
:) thanks. :)
Wow, marvelous blog layout! How long have you ever been running a blog for? you make running a blog look easy. The whole look of your website is great, well the content material!
@ Anonymous ---
Thank you. I have been blogging from 2008 and I think, I have learned a lot along the way. I always prefer something simple for layout. Something that is inviting and not intrusive to the readers. Hence the simple white.
Thank-you for your nice comment. Do hang around for more interesting stuff. :)
Very well written :), ATB for BAT
Do visit my blog :)
@ ARJUN MS ---
Thanks... :)
Loved the plot muthu. Although there was a bit of confusion in the beginning for me, it cleared out later :)
@ Diwakar Narayan ---
Thank-you for your comments. And yes, like @nan commented earlier - the beginning could have been better. Will sure do justice in my next story. Cheers :)
Cool blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A design like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog jump out. Please let me know where you got your design. Kudos
Nice Post...Thanks
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@ nancy phill --
Okay. Thanks. :)
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