The story -
“You asleep”
She turned and looked at her husband. “No. You”
“No.”
The ticking sound of the second hand filled up and emptied the room.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
"Really… Then why aren’t you asleep?"
“Just wondering, what’s in your mind to keep you awake this long?”
Her husband sighed. “huh, I was thinking the same about you.”
Author’s note:
This story occurred to me when Vinnie teased me not to try any fiction at about 1 - 30 am last night (sorry today morning). So as she was my inspiration I dedicate this fiction to her.
The story has about 61 words. If the line about the sound of ticking is removed, then it can be made exactly a 55 fiction. But I thought that that sentence emphasized the slowing of time and the restlessness in the bed room. So I decided to keep the line.
So what do you think about my story guys....
nice one dude...keep penning :)
ReplyDeletekeep in touch !
Amit
@ hopeless romantic - Thanks 4 your compliments man....
ReplyDeletehehehhehehee..that was sweet Muthu:) u r certified to write fiction at any hour!
ReplyDeletethe husband, wife scenes make up for quite interesting 55 fictions, i just realised that...hope u write more scenes like this..
this one was realistic, man!
also wondering n smiling at this label: Social Problems!!
ReplyDeleteone more thing, pls put the gadget to show all ur posts..this way its easier to read an older post
@ vinnie - haha.. thanks vinnie... husband & wife interactions can make the best satirical humor...
ReplyDeleteand yeah, marriage is a social thing, and so every problem thats associated with it in a way is a social problem....
After all what can be more social than marriage... everyone does it.. :)
I have no idea abt wht gadget you are talking about... Do leave me the link and i will follow it up...
I am thinking about changing my template to harbor... it gives more width to the main entry....
It looks spacious.. good feel to it..
May be i will edit the color a bit...
what do you say....
it was so so so real.. felt like a conversation between two people i know.. :D awesome..
ReplyDelete@ pink orchid - thanks man.... reality always does beat fiction.... and you have a fine flow of words in your poems man...
ReplyDeleteits ur blog, ur choice...u may keep whatever design u want
ReplyDeleteall i want / demand is that i can read ur posts clearly n i want to access ur archive easily
2009 (100)
May (20)
April (150)
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2008 (560)
yeh wala ??
nice!!
ReplyDelete55 fiction is a popular thing :D
@ richa - thanks richa.... yeah 55 fiction is a popular thing... though i dont follow the exact word count usually... the idea is more important to me and i try to maintain the fiction to a very quick read.,..
ReplyDeleteYou too bitten by the 55 fiction bug that originated frm vinnie's head :P
ReplyDeleteNice one!! Are you married??
good..good...good....me would write 'good' 55 times maybe thts the best i can come up with 55 words...!
ReplyDeletewonderful work muthu! keep writing..
@ karthick - yeah man, I think i have been bitten by the 55 fiction idea.... :)
ReplyDeleteand am happy you liked it...
hmhm.no am not married.. really what makes you think i might be married....
dude was the fiction that good, you took me to be married....
oh boy... am in heaven. thanks 4 the compliments man...
and do visit again am preparing a mushy romantic 55 fiction.
@ anoop erakkil - thanks man.... you are too kind with your words on me....
ReplyDeletehehhehe..Socrates is refering to his wife...quite an indecent way to describe her!
ReplyDeletevaise, thanks for putting ur archive gadget..nowi can read any story anytime...
template is simple n neat:)
hey, you cant blame Socrates, his wife was such a pain in the ass.
ReplyDeletealways nagging, blaming...
but Socrates always took her lightly.
one particular incident Socrates was sitting on his door step lecturing his disciples, his wife was shouting at him from inside the house. After a while of seeing that he is not being disturbed by her, she came out and poured a bucket of water on the philosopher's head.
Socrates calmly looked at the students and said "It always does rain after a bought of thundering doesnt it?" referring to her earlier shouting as thundering....
:) - such easy attitude - a man after my own heart.
thanks to her..the world had a Socrates to learn from!
ReplyDeleteoye! but this is cheating. that is the challange of fiction55.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Velu
haha... yeah i know. but it s jus that it s too good a line to take out, then if you are gonna read my latest 55 fiction - something to die for(or so i have labeled) - you will kill me....
ReplyDeletecheers muthu
Being a wife I have to correct you here mate....husbands never have the energy to think what their wives are thinking once they are on the bed.....desperate to doze off :P:P:P
ReplyDeleteBut good effort!! :)
@ aditi - :):D:P got you....
ReplyDeletehmhm... i tried to bring out the satire of mistrust in a marriage. but yeah on more of a practical note I do have to agree with you... :)
cheers.
Neat one! Liked it!
ReplyDeletegreat one ! liked it ...keep writing ..your fiction seems to be as good as your poetry !
ReplyDelete@ magiceye ---
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot. am glad to have piqued your taste buds. :)
@ TTT --
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for your compliments.. I enjoy writing poetry, as for stories, I would love telling them rather than writing them. A habit that was encouraged by my ever listening sister. :)
From girlfriend to wife.After a while you have nothing to say to her. But such is life!
ReplyDelete@ salaamreaders ---
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I don't think so- Marriage life has to be bliss. If not I believe the purpose of marriage itself fails...
I think that - After marriage we don't really take the initial effort that we put in to make the relationship work - when we were in love.
I believe its as simple as that. What do you say??
Hmmmm interesting!
ReplyDelete@ numerounity --
ReplyDeleteGlad to have piqued your interest. :)
This one is super cute :)
ReplyDeleteYou know what I just came across 55 fiction but did not get the time to actually read about the stuff. The fictional piece was nice, interesting & thankfully I got to know what exactly 55 fiction is all about :) Take care thanks!
ReplyDelete@ Ghazala Hossain --
ReplyDeleteThanks for your compliments. :)
@ Tanya Sehgal ---
ReplyDeleteI am glad to have been of service. :)
Cheers and Keep reading...